Listen to the Pauses: Power Communication

Pause and Presence: For powerful communication, active understanding  or getting your message across: listen to the pauses. If you are the speaker, pay attention to when you pause, how long and what you do when you pause. Learn from speakers you find yourself drawn to by observing their pauses, what they do to retain your eyeballs. I have come up with a way to practise that is working for me: I listen and look for the pauses in my dance class. Perhaps, as every dancer knows, if you just go from one movement to another, without a proper transition - all you do is look floppy - there is no grace no beauty - no grabbing attention of viewer. Initially I used to just notice that my Zumba instructor looks great - so I went to the class. Now, with audio plus visual cues- I am able to observe when she transitions from one step into another- the split second pause that gives her balance and purpose - effortless, graceful; elbows - if meant to be 90 degrees are 90 not flopping halfway; movement alternates between fast(er) and slow(er) and so do the pauses.
I still can't do what she does, but now I can see what she does. Of course even if I knew it all in my head I couldn't do what she does - I am just not physically fit enough.
Fortunately for communication - while fitness helps greatly, it is less of a requirement. But in the absence of music and dance - Pauses and Presence are the rhythm of powerful communication.
Find any activity you enjoy (even cooking, dining) and listen to the pauses. Besides -it is so much fun -give it a try.

How to Influence Others: 3 Tips

Rudyard Kipling has written "All the people like us are we, and everyone else is They". Change leadership is about influencing "they" into becoming "we". Kipling (I seem to remember) offers advice:
"I keep six honest serving men,
They taught me all I knew;
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who."

For me this breaks down to three things:
1. Ask open ended questions to unearth closely held assumptions that formulate opinions and positions. Address the assumptions to create change.
2. Be a good listener - this means genuine curiosity. If I find myself formulating my response in my head when listening - I know I will not be successful in influencing the other person.
3. Withhold judgement about core philosophies no matter how different. When wildly opposing values collide, you can still gain respect by agreeing to disagree.
Sometimes, honest communication like this take time (involves building trust) as pointed out by the HBR conversation about asking questions. So be prepared, In this age of globalisation and the reality of collaboration amidst diversity, changemakers separates their own core values from details to create the largest circle of "we possibles". At the level that social entrepreneurs operate i.e. social and economic prosperity for all - it would be hard to find anyone that doesn't fit the "we" circle.

Netizenship - Do and Don't

Help yourself - Be a Good Net-izen.


In a professional context, the best thing about e-communication is that distance becomes irrelevant. It is also the worst.They say that words once spoken can never be taken back. Hence think twice speak once. But spoken words only live on in the memory of the listeners and speech is accompanied with physical cues which gives us a chance to resolve miscommunication. E-words, on the other hand, live on in perpetuity; for a search engine to discover, out of context, out of date. The probability of leaving others with impressions of ourselves we never intended is greatly enhanced. Second, e-communication may be the first order contact to be followed by in-person, if all goes well. So home-grown conventions have been developed but they vary. My rule is better safe than sorry. From daily email to social media sites, blogs e-behavior that wins friends and influences people is somewhat of a mystery. There is no e-Miss Manners to save me for getting that foot into my mouth (and remember it stays there). Social entrepreneurs must communicate with a variety of people; people very different from ourselves but possibly sympathetic to our cause. So experiences can be enhanced for all parties with simple net-iquette.

e-mail: be factual, be non-judgmental. Keep it short - it is not the place to vent your feelings, opinions. Do document decisions after a meeting. Always acknowledge even if to say there will be no follow-up. If resolving an issue - do not go back and forth more than 3 times. If not resolved after 3 iterations, e-mail will not resolve it. There is no excuse for not following up on email (includes CEOs- if only to delegate - convention varies on this between India and US - but I know when I get a reply from an admin - I think the CEO is old-school - not net savvy and hence - is he/she worth my time? ).

social media sites - advantage is that such sites already impose a certain amount of discipline. Studies have shown that teenagers actually benefit from the open group interaction because they are motivated bu having as many friends as possible. But still, before posting that pic, ask yourself - how many people are interested in seeing my cross eyed drunken face captured at the last party? Not even you.

blogs: decide what the blog is about and deliver what you promise. Its not how often you write, its what you write. Simplest way to start is - as the name says - a personal log of things that interest you. Blogs are a great way to espouse your cause as long as that cause is not you.

websites- Do create a personal (or professional) website - this is the place to brag about yourself/your organization/your team. - as long as it is the truth. Easy navigation, process, policy, values clearly stated will set you apart from others and create an aura of openness, fairness. Initially you can treat a website like a resume. If you are adept, a website is a great way to communicate your mission, vision and build supporters. It grows as you grow and saves time in the long run by reducing replication of work.

Finally a word about Humor - Don't. Unless you are a professional you won't get away with it. That is because humor is context sensitive, time sensitive. However, do take a light friendly tone (free of overt status verbiage - a problem in India more than US). Save that for in-person. If you become an expert there (you can see who laughed and who didn't) you can then try it - maybe - on your blog, fb update.

An Open Mind: Key to Successful Cross Cultural Communications

Without a map Columbus probably would not have "discovered" America. But a map mislead him into thinking he had discovered India. So I love maps; but I realize that they can mislead. Phantoms in the Brain, page 39- "When asked what his biological studies had taught him about God, Haldane replied- the creator if he exists must have an inordinate fondness for beetles for there are more species of beetles than any other group of living creatures. By the same token, a neurologist must conclude that God is a cartographer. He must have an inordinate fondness for maps for everywhere you look in the brain, maps abound." by V.S. Ramachandran, Professor at UC San Diego. The good thing about a brain map (unlike a physical map) is that every interaction updates our brain map. I talked about this at the recent "Successful Cross Cultural Communications" event hosted by FountainBleu in the context of understanding and overcoming stereotype biases. The human brain creates maps to classify and simplify the life around us so we can function 9-5. Stereotypes in our heads are just like maps- useful but possibly misleading. If we can accept this, we can actually enlist what we already think we know about another culture (when one thinks about ‘cross-cultural’ there’s an assumption that it’s about people from different backgrounds, but it’s much broader than that. It encompasses differences in geography, languages, generations, companies, functional areas, regions and industries) simply be prepared to update your knowledge - add to or create a new map.
And the old cliches about keeping an "open mind" or "active listening" or "suspend judgement" that leave you wondering what action to take, start making sense.